It's Been a Bad Day

Or really a bad couple of days. Not that there has been anything that bad about them particularly, I’ve just started to feel totally drained. I feel like I’ve been working forever, and will be working for a long time yet, and I don’t know if its achievable or not. And even though I have been getting at least 8 hours sleep a night, I feel tired all the time. It started gradually, but yesterday and today I just felt so exhausted all I wanted to do was sleep. But I have work to do. There’s just all this stuff piled up, and I’m pretty broke, at least taking into account the fact that I seem to have lost my keycard, as I just realized today. Didn’t do anything about it, am still hoping it’s in my room somewhere, but if not will have to cancel it. And I have no idea where it could be. I haven’t used it since… Friday? But there’s always assessments and obligations and I want to sleep, or do something, anything else. I can’t seem to work anyway, I have this background headache and I can’t seem to make myself do things which I have to or not do things which I shouldn’t. But I have to, I really have to, I have two essays and an exam which I should finish this week. I can’t face it anymore, right now I don’t see how I can face another semester, one which holds a 7,000 word essay at that. Feeling very full of self pity. And tired. And I was on the bus to uni today and my mum called to tell me she’d wired me money for AnCon, so we talked briefly but I was hit by a wave of loneliness and a feeling of being totally overwhelmed and I just started crying. On the bus. There didn’t really seem to be anything I could do to stop. Just sitting there with tears streaming down my face. Well, running, dunno about streaming. So was wandering around, ‘cos really felt like I could do with seeing a familiar face. I found a couple of friends, and we sat there at the computer doing our take-home exams (or not, ‘cos they don’t both do Old English) but not really talking. And I feel so tired that it’s hard to talk, I mean, it’s hard to stand up even. But it’s great every time I step out of the house, and I think “yeah! I’m outside!”, was really good walking along in the rain today, nice change of scene. Maybe I’ll just sleep, and study can wait. So anyway, I thought I’d write about it all and send it out into the friendly, friendly internet. Excuse the self pity, that’s just my whinge for the day, sympathies to all who are still doing exams, ‘cos I know you're out there just as stressed as me. Or hopefully not. Bear with me a little, cannot think properly right now or would not be clogging spampage with this junk. And will be really good to see you soon, if I manage to finish enough work that I can leave the house, was suddenly struck by the thought that going out Wednesday maybe wasn’t a good idea, and I don’t even know about Friday. Dammit! Will be finished by then, surely…
I need a hug.